There is a certain degree of self confidence lost when one looses their job. You tend to think that it was due to your imagined incompetence. But then you find it wasn’t your fault. It’s the economy, stupid.
So that lack of self confidence continues until you get compliments…real compliments….from people who you didn’t know…or who you thought you didn’t know. Like the other day the kids at church were asking if I was going to be back at camp next year. They said I did a good job and they had a fun time when I was around. That made me feel really good. Then there’s the support for my mission trip. I never thought I’d come close to the goal. But it has almost been reached. That is a complete surprise to me.
When I say, “Maybe people really do like me,” it’s more of a self confidence boost I’m telling myself, rather than trying to come across at having a big giant head. I hate arrogancy. I hate people who are so full of themself that it hurts. But at the same time, it does feel good to be liked in some obscure way. Even though many of these compliments are completely undeserving. I don’t do anything special that would warrant this attention.
So the bottom line is I’m not trying to come across as arrogant. I’m definitely not (at least I hope not). So I’m talking myself into a circle.
For some people its a novelty to have a webaddress with one’s own name. I’m here to tell you that its nothing special. Lots of people reserve vanity domain names. Lots of people could be known as dot coms. It only takes someone with a computer and a credit card.
And this weblog thing? Lots of people have weblogs. I’m not the only one. So the novelty of this site has worn off for me. It’s unique, because it is about me. But the URL and blogger thingy is not unique. I was always told, “Remember, you’re unique….just like everyone else.”
So I’m not the best computer program operator in the world. There are plenty of questions I cannot answer and plenty of people who are much more knowledgable in the subject. Some people don’t realize this. That’s why it comes to a shock to them that I’m still unemployeed.
And this mission trip? I’m definitely not a missionary. I go down to El Salvador for 8 days, give out some medicine, do some lice scrubs, and call it a mission trip. There are people who spend years out in the mission field. This may be a tough trip. But it is nothing to those who spend years out there. In the jungle…away from the conveniences we all take for granted.