I got accused of overloading the church vans during the New Year’s lock-in. Just the opposite happened. The kids themselves think it’s ok to sit in each other’s laps during short distance drives. (I falsely assumed that teenaged girls have some degree of common sense when it comes to safety and comfort. This definitely is not the case). Before I left the church parking lot, I was asking for volunteers to ride in other vehicles. We eventually found volunteers and the world was made safe for humanity again.
Kids should know better than to ride in other people’s laps when there is room in other church vans. I guess this is one of the reason why I wouldn’t want to be a youth minister….having to take care of common sense approaches like this. Telling ignorant people where they need to go and what time they need to be there. “Ok, kids, these vans only hold 15 people….so if the van is full, try to find elsewhere to ride.”
I do realize that which van/bus to ride on on the way to church or school events could be a life altering experience for some people (according to today’s youth). It was a major decision when I was high school band. We had 3 school buses…each labeled 1, 2, or 3. Before events (away football games and band contests) a bus sign-up sheet was posted. Much of the time I stuck to bus #3 since it was the “cool” bus. The safe alternative was #2. However you’d want to stay away from bus #1 since it was filled with undesirables (yes, there was a pecking order in everything, even in band class where many of today’s non-popular kids hang out).
Once our band competed in a major contest in Johnson City, TN. We took chartered buses there (which our band director promised would have elaborate state of the art televisions and all the amenities anyone could ever want. The reality was much different than what was actually promised). Anyways they set out the bus sign-up lists during 4th period (Jazz band). The majority of band students have band during 6th period. So by the time I got to it, buses 2 and 3 were filled up and my friends and I were stuck on bus #1. It wasn’t that bad. My friends and I made the best of it. But its funny that I still remember the situation. Being forced to ride on the dreaded bus #1. Oh the humanity!
Some people think passenger vans are unsafe, however I haven’t totally decided about this. Corvairs are deadly. Ralph Nader taught me that. Ford trucks from the 1970s are bad because their gas tanks are right behind the seats. Suzuki Jeeps are bad because they tend to rollover. Geo Metros are bad because they’re too small. In fact, I could find something wrong with each and every vehicle on the road today.
I have decided to go to El Salvador. Its from April 11-19, 2003. Medical Mission trip. I figure you only live once. If at any time I would regret not going this year, then I should go. Now for the ethical question. I have enough money saved for the plane tickets, yet without a job, this money will not be replentished as rapidly. So is it ok to ask friends and churches for donations for this trip? I know I am not as in dire need of it as some other people. Once I ask, potential donators might ask “Why are you going if you don’t have a job to pay for it?”

I was up until 8AM this morning. No sleep. No naps. Just awake. I went to sleep and got up at 2PM.
We went bowling at Hermitage Lanes at 4:30PM. I drove the rental van on our way over there. No one wanted to ride in the old blue van from 1990. So everyone piled into the rental van. There were a bunch of teeny bopper girls in there who had to listen to “The Party” radio station which plays P. Diddy and Pink. This pretty much solidifies my opinion on the state of American music. No musical sense whatsoever.
After bowling we moved on to the Mt. Juliet Community Center for a free concert. Phil and his friends had a band. They played some good stuff –

• “Ice Ice Baby” – Vanilla Ice
• “Brain Stew” – Green Day
• “What’s Up” – 4 Non Blondes
• “Yellow Ledbetter” – Pearl Jam
• “Undone – the Sweater Song” – Weezer
• “Today” – Smashing Pumpkins

All without any lyric sheets. Cool. I enjoyed Phil’s band much better than “In God We Trust.” Too many oldie hits. After about their 3rd Creed song I realized that this wasn’t my kind of music. Moving on…
We got back to the church building and sang in the new year. 131 people were there. Some from Crieve Hall Church of Christ.
I got some good shots of the fireworks afterward. Surprisingly the Crieve Hall people left almost immediately after it was overwith. Drove off when the fireworks were going off. Hmmmm….
It’s tradition for us to show movies on the big screen. We have a cuss box to sanitize things. The cuss box…(aka the “TV Guardian”). It’s a little box they hook up to the VCR when we played the movie on the big screen last night. It uses the closed captioning to mute out the dirty words in the movie and substitute words like “crud” and “baloney.” So you’ll be watching the movie, then it will mute for a second while the closed captioning pops up with “Oh crud!” It’s interesting someone actually put together such a device.
We didn’t have the cuss box immediately available. So we sent some people out to get it at Phil’s house. It took them a while to get it. All the time I was being bugged by some of the kids saying “Why can’t we watch the movie?” This was semi-constant. I soon grew tired of the question.
The kids stayed around until 7AM. We returned the rental van. Finally got back home at 8AM.

This entry title was taken from a History Channel Show – “Lost and Found.” So I can’t claim credit for the snappy title.
Lock-in tonight at church. The schedule is as follows:
4PM Bowling (Donelson Lanes?)
6 or 7PM – Concert at the MJ Community Center. Featuring songs I’ve never heard of (and neither have the kids).
11PM – Back to the church to sing in the new year.
7AM Breakfast and go home.
I’m taking some home videos from church activities to show on the big screen. The videos are mostly from this year, but I do have one from about 10 years ago.

Goodbye 2K2!

A friend and I were discussing the church webpage. Many times I receive no comments (whether negative or positive) about the church webpage. Usually it is something to the effect of “The webpage looks great.” But hardly ever do people give me an constructive criticism on it. I could really mess it up and people wouldn’t bother telling me what’s wrong with it.
Around here people either know about the internet, but are too busy to check on the church webpage….or they don’t know what the internet is, and therefore don’t look at the church webpage.
I see there is a meeting about the ski trip with MJ on December 29th after services. I’ll most likely be going to church elsewhere for a special service. I’m not stressing about missing it. Usually they just tell skiers not to do stupid stuff like not bring waterproof clothing or gloves. Really the meeting should be for first-time skiers. I’ve heard it all before. All I need to know is when we’re leaving and when we’ll be coming back. That’s all.
Short Mountain Bible Camp’s webpage is up and running. Designed by me. We’re still trying to get the bugs worked out of it, but for the most part, the domain is working and online camp registration will soon be working.
The past few pizzas I’ve got from Papa John’s and Pizza Hut have been less than spectacular. No tomato sauce at all. Poor quality. I like my cheese melted, not burnt thankyouverymuch. I don’t know what it is, but Papa John’s has really gone downhill lately. Used to, I could get a large one topping pizza for $7.57. Then it went up to $8.58. Now there are no more specials and I have to hunt around for a $8.99 coupon. Without the coupon I have to pay $12.58 for a pizza, which is much too expensive for a pizza these days. Especially when I can get a large Dominos pizza for $7.57. On the other hand, Pizza Hut has and always will be expensive. Never go to the Hut without a coupon.

Spent much of the day installing a new discussion board in the church webpage. It will probably go live pretty soon. Hopefully it will cut down on inappropriate links being posted. Also its got a good design and everything.
Phil asked me to drive the church van for the teens’ caroling/progressive dinner night. At first I had mixed feelings about going since I didn’t know many of the people who were going to be there. But now I’m glad I went. I was able to get to know some of the teens a lot better. John Michael Kennedy is hilarious. We must have the same sense of humor or something.
We went caroling at some of the widows’ and shut-ins’ houses. I’m sure we did alot more good than what some people realize. I’m sure this was the highlight of the week for some of those older people. They seemed really happy to see us. Hopefully we brought some joy into their lives.
Somebody was saying “Man, Jeff you really were going off on the girl scouts yesterday.” So let me explain the post. It was supposed to be 100% humorous. If you took it as some angry rant, you totally missed my point. Girl Scout Cookies are inheritantly funny to me. So re-read the article as if Dave Barry was writing it.
Breakfast with the neighbors tomorrow. This is in lieu of our usual Christmas morning dinner. It’s a long story and I’d rather not explain why we’re having it on the 21st instead of the 25th. Mom usually fixes some very nice breakfast foods and everyone is happy. I usually look forward to it.

Phil’s a nice guy. A nice guy with a messy office. But nice nonetheless. He’s so cool he’s got generic shaving cream cans and aluminum pie pans in his office. So yesterday as I was sitting in Phil’s office looking at a terrible Lipscomb Backlog from 2000, in walks one of those Fisher girls. Megan? Mallory? Moca? Mecca?… ole whatshername. She didn’t exactly acknowledge me initually and the whole moment was sorta awkward. Phil and her made small talk while I acted interested. (Maybe I really was interested in Kenny Smith’s attempt to coach girls basketball, who knows?). So while Phil was trying to find out about some vagrant who had called in a grocery list to the church, I tried to make small talk with her. Not sure what I should say and in general it was just awkward primarily because we didn’t know each other.
It probably is just me. I can’t relate to the high schoolers at church especially if I just recently got to know them. Whereas someone who I’ve known since they were much younger is easier to converse with. This high school class I know very little about.
We’ve been hit with telemarketing with some girl scout from church. Apparently she went down the church directory and called everyone trying to push thin mints and samoas. (She should have used the electronic phone tree; much easier) When we tried to order “just one,” she got frustrated and pushed more of her paraphernalia…(baked goods, you know). We should have told her about the “Do not call list” and the absense of our “prior business relationship.”
Yeah, I got hit up for Girl Scout cookies last night at church. Thank goodness I like the powdered sugar sprinkled variety, or else I would have had to make a little girl cry. I kept asking “Are these made out of real girl scouts?” only to receive blank stares. Even “Are they made BY real girl scouts?” made even less of an impression. If these girls don’t know enough about their products, then maybe they shouldn’t be selling them. I bought 2 boxes worth ($6 bucks) which should be enough to fund any women’s empowerment league.
Then there’s this El Salvador dilemma. Are people leading me down the primrose path in rose colored glasses in order to see me fumble around like a fish out of water? David Shannon tells me to go, without any further explaination. Phil tells me to go…yet tells me how to go and how I should use nice soft Cottonelle toilet paper when I do go. Buddy Pickler says I should leave it in God’s hands. My dad may be going on this same trip, if he can get a decent passport picture. I’m making my decision independent of his. Although I figure if this were a game of Survivor: El Salvador, we’d need to be in separate tribes because I’d vote him out during the first episode.
What would make me want to go is my sense to see the world before I die. Helping people. A promise I made to myself to go on at least one mission trip. What would keep me from going is the inconvienence. Those terrible toilets that even Sissy Pickler is afraid of. The sense that I could never fit in fully with the El Salvador clique. Cold showers. Head lice. It’s all there. Like a bad sequel to Romancing the Stone.
Ugh. I’d rather not get caught up on yet another weeklong adventure that I’m compelled to do year after year. I already do 2 youth camps during the summer. Am I going to be forced always go to Latin America every year? I weened myself off of China after 2 trips. Will Latin America take the same?
So during bible class I asked a handful of the kids what they wanted for Christmas.

• Aaron: 4 wheeler. I later found out this 4 wheeler would be stored at his grandparents’ house in Memphis, so theoretically the corpse of Elvis would stand a better chance of seeing it more often than he would. Better luck next time, kid.
• Matthew: “Surprises.” Apparently Matthew has not learned the real value of asking for specifics. “Mom, Dad, I know I really want this remote controlled car for Christmas, but why don’t you just surprise me?” I did that one time and my surprise was tube socks. Ugh.
• Ray: He sang me a song to the tune of “All I want for Christmas,” which included what he exactly wanted. Apparently some type of Pokemon cards.
• Ryan: When I asked him, he stared at me like I had a 3rd eyeball. Never really found out exactly what he wanted.

It’s good for me to take a pulse ever so often to see just how out of step I am with today’s youth. Surprisingly I had a general idea of what they were talking about. Motorized vehicles have and always will be cool. Pokemon…? Well one of these days when he discovers girls he’ll drop these Pokemon cards all together. If he is lucky, his mom won’t trash his cards and he’ll be able to sell them on Ebay years later to some collector who wasn’t able to put away his childhood.

Pondering whether or not to install some better discussion board software on the church webpage. The current one is such a sad state of affairs. I’ve had problems in the past with bots coming along and posting undesireable links on it, I’ve thought about trashing the whole thing. Highland Heights and Tusculum seem to have very active discussion boards. Ours only has discussion when someone from the outside world asks some off the wall question like “Do I have to attend both church services, the late and early ones?” When I asked the HH minister how he keeps things going, he said he sends out emails and gets others at church to help spur discussion on it. I want to stay away from sending unwanted emails to members.
I’m tired. Tired of receiving automated calls from the congregation wide phone tree advertising the youth Bible study…something that only effects 30 or so people, yet we bother all 500+ members with this phone tree annoyance. There’s a way to put this type of stuff into groups and only alert the people who the activity will effect. That’s Joey’s revenge I guess. Our old minister Joey Davis was the only one who knew how the phone tree worked. Since he’s left no one actually knows how it works. We sit around like Unfrozen Caveman Lawyers trying to figure out the thing, never sure of how it works.

David Shannon told this story at the youth devotional last night. I haven’t been able to confirm or disprove it. Still, the story did keep the kids’ attention, which is most important. You have to be really careful of presenting things you get from the internet as fact. Sometimes it isn’t.
During the devotional, David asked the kids “What was the best part of today?” Some said “waking up.” Others said “having dinner with my family.” I was surprised it took me to say seeing a young person baptized Sunday evening. Apparently the kids didn’t understand the significance of that. Even though they might not be friends with the person being baptized, it really is the highlight of my day.
Here’s an update on the involvement minister search. Several applicants have applied, both internal to the church and external. It is too soon to tell where the applicant will come from. From talking to David Shannon, it sounds like he is looking forward to having someone carry the burden of ministering to the congregation. That’s reassuring. We certainly don’t want someone who will cause problems…stealing David’s thunder.
This is crazy, but I enjoy drinking out of decorative stemware glasses (a special holiday gift from your friends at Arby’s). Not just for formal Christmas dinners with family and friends. I mean during the holiday season they’re sitting out waiting to be used. I usually drink orange juice late at night out of them. Cool.
Speaking of Arby’s, Phil gave Marie Pickler a mission to pick up 30+ Arby’s roast beef sandwitches for the teen devotional Sunday night. And she did. She brought back a ton of horsey and Arby’s sauce for flavoring. Kenny Smith ate 5 sandwitches. Yes it was very strange and it wasn’t even fast enough for a competitive eating challenge. Look it up folks. Competitive eating – it’s an actual sport. Kenny has probably vomited by now. Either from the Arby’s or the rhino diarrhea story David told.

I knew things in Bible class was going to be off to a bad start when the kids weren’t even paying attention to prayer requests. There were about a zillion different conversations going on at once.
One kid I noticed was very much involved in reading his youth directory during class. At one point he even wrote something in it. Since I was mildly curious and for the very fact that I’m the one who actually helped put together the directory, I asked to see it after class. He had written some insults next to another student’s picture in the directory. I gave the kid the whole spiel about “How would you like it if he did the same thing to your picture…” then sent him on his way.
Was I wrong to invade his privacy by asking to read what he wrote in his youth directory? Or was I playing the role of authority figure? In any case he might have gone home and scribbled out my picture too. But I’ve found that most of the time kids have a short memory and probably don’t care if I read what they wrote, especially if they did it publically while they were supposed to be following along with the Bible lesson.
Then again some could say in some cases I’m doing the same thing here. Or am I? In this journal I do write negative things about people who do things that anger me, yet most of the time I don’t reveal their name. Is this just a more sophisticated way of griping about others, rather than the elementary way of just writing insults about a peer in your own elementary school yearbook?
Usually if someone angers me enough for me to write about it, then they’ve crossed a line. And I usually try to explain why I’m angry.
I thought this story about Steve Flatt, president of Lipscomb University, swapping roles with a student was amusing. Picturing Steve Flatt doing janitor duties is priceless. However I’m not sure why it was significant that Flatt was wearing a SID T-shirt. None of this is important unless you’re a SID member.
John Testa, Elizabeth’s boyfriend, has written a short, but very honest story about her. Elizabeth died in 2001 after a battle with a brain tumor. The story is thought provoking and shows that he really did love her.

Kids are funny. I help teach the 5th and 6th graders at church on Wednesday nights. We usually ask for prayer requests at the beginning of class. Tonight a kid asked that we pray for snow so that they wouldn’t have to go to school tomorrow. And we did. The kid who led the prayer prayed for snow, but at the same time asked that it not be very bad so that no one gets hurt due to the snow.
Hopefully we’ll have snow for this ski trip. I’m left a little bit bewildered due to the conflicting messages I’m receiving about the trip. We’re told in Phil’s bulletin column to “invite your friends,” yet in the handout we are told that only certain people can bring one friend. Now I feel bad for inviting a handful of friends on this trip. Ugh. Why can’t we open this trip up to anyone who wants to come? Why are they limiting adults? I thought church was supposed to be about accepting of others. Ski trips are a great way to introduce people to church going people and to form bounds with them. As far as I’m concerned, if someone pays their money on time and is trustworthy enough to go, then they should be able to go. And enough with these people who go just to hang out in the lodge all day and not ski. Apparently they have 50 bucks to blow on a boring trip to Indiana. I say donate the money to a mission effort and stay home. Just my 2 cents. Not skiing on a ski trip is like not going to Bible class on a retreat.