The movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life,” is traditionally shown during the Christmas holidays. Perhaps this post belonged nearer toward Christmas and not New Years. But then again, New Year’s is a time to reflect back and see what you’ve done for the past year. And they do play Auld Lang Syne at the end.
In the story, George Bailey confronts his personal demons and wonders aloud what life would have been like if he wasn’t ever born. The angel Clarence grants his wish and plays tour guide to such a reality. Even before Zemeckis gave us “Back to the Future” without George McFly, there our own George Bailey was, staring at the alternate reality he wished upon himself.
While I am not even going to tempt fate by proclaiming “I wish I had never been born,” I do wonder aloud how much difference I make in everyday life. Thinking back on it, here is a list of things which I feel I might make a difference.

• The Church Webpage. I spend a huge amount of time on this. It’s probably the most elaborate church webpage that no one knows about. I attempt to try to pull in traffic to it by requesting the URL be printed on official church documents. I’ve even tried to involve the church leaders and staff in giving me constructive criticism of the page. Yet to no avail. Sometimes I wonder if I was to step outside and get hit by a bus, who would take up the webpage job where I left off? Maybe no one. Somehow someone would forget about it; forget to renew the domain; and then let the church webpage die a slow painful death.
• Jeff Whittle, your company’s computer guy (That’s an SNL reference if case you didn’t get it). Yeah, people call on me when their computer goes haywire. Sometimes they invite me over. Sometimes they pay me for my time. Sometimes I’m able to help. Many times I’m not able to. I do realize these people are grateful for having an egghead around. But yet the tasks are so menial, I feel like they could have learned it on their own without my help.
• Church Youth Activities – camps, retreats, Sunday School teacher….. This is the other big church thing I find myself doing year after year. If there’s a camp, retreat, or any other activity, I’m usually involved with it in some form or another. I do at least 2 camps per summer. At least 2 retreats per year. And teach Wednesday nights at church. I have dreams of setting young people on the right path and keeping them there. One of my fervent desires is to have a young person wake me up in the middle of the night at a camp or retreat and engage me in serious spiritual discussion. Are they saved? Do they need to be saved? Maybe even getting to know a young person well enough for them to ask me to baptize them. Yet this kind of serious discussion rarely happens even to the best youth ministers.

So what’s the answer to this question? Are any of these activities making a difference? Most likely none of the above. Computer questions would still get answered; Youth activities would still happen since there is always plenty of help for them; and webpage design would still happen, even new alternate design if a shell of what it was.
So what am I getting at exactly? I don’t really know. On the subject of actually making a difference in this world….something I very earnestly try for….I feel as though I am not in a position to make a difference. I’m always last to know about things. Not in the loop. If I was an important person in everyone’s life then I’d be first to know.
What keeps me going? Maybe its the way some kids are drawn to me. Case in point. Yesterday I visited at one of the churches I attend church camp with. I arrived early and sat in a pew by myself. As the starting time of services drew nearer the young people arrived. Even without a second thought, there were 10 kids on that same row with me, practically smothering me. I actually thought about moving to a different pew since I like my personal space.
Yeah, I’ve been told “Jeff, you are cool.” Or to have kids get excited once they find out I’m their counselor at camp. Maybe I let them get away with too many pranks. I don’t know. I really need to ask them why I’m so likeable, so I can continue doing it.
It’s good to be admired. Looked up to.
So now I present for your amusement and for my future reference, my New Year’s Resolutions:

• Live each day as a gift from God.
• Make a difference in the life of a young person.
• Never take life for granted. Enjoy the simple things. A sunset, a sunrise.