The job search has gone into a rut. I didn’t do anything in the realm of job searching for the later part of this week. I have exhausted all of my 1st person contacts. Would blind calls to HR departments get me a job? I didn’t think so. Why even bother anymore? I should be able to get a job based on my experience and the content of my character. I hate kissing butt in order to get the job. Job hunting is a game. Some people are very good at schmoozing. I’m not. Looking for non-existant jobs is getting me nowhere.
At times I do tend to find excuses to go up to church during the week, if only to have human interaction during the day. A couple of times I’ve gone out to eat with Phil Waggoner, our youth minister, and have found that he’s good guy. Out of all of our youth ministers, he is probably the one who I’ve had the most in common with. John Thomas and I were on different channels – personality clash. Joey Davis….well let’s not go there. Bill Speight was my own youth minister when I was in high school, yet since I have been out of high school we lost touch. He moved to Chattanooga which made it even impossible to keep in touch.
Phil tells me to keep my head up; to have a good attitude. My general nature is to be negative toward life. I enjoy the Gen-X inspired songs of the early 90s. “Jeremy” by Pearl Jam; “I Hate My Generation” by Cracker; “Creep” by Radiohead – at times they’re all anthems for me.
In retrospect I’d say life is precious and I shouldn’t waste it. If it were to suddenly end, that would be it. Nothing to view from afar; just end. I can’t afford that. At times I do get depressed. That’s when I tell myself there’s still plenty of work to do around here. Being a mentor to kids. Paying attention to them when they ask you questions, or just asking how their day was. Trying my best to teach them something somehow. Being nice to an old person. Updating church webpages. Making sermon tapes for shut-ins. Smiling more often. A recent title to a rock album was “Learning How to Smile.” At times I am still learning how to smile. You can’t fake it, like some people do in job interviews. To be genuinely happy is to feel good about oneself. For me it is to make a difference. If I am not making a difference, then I might as well pack up and go home.
Standing on the Shoulders of Giants
My Redneck Past Keeps Nipping at My Heels
We often compare our own life with what we want it to be (or don’t want it to be). Most of the time it doesn’t live up to our own standards. If you think your life can’t get any worse, don’t believe it. It can get much worse. Volunteer at the rescue mission downtown some evening helping to serve dinner. I used to do that with my youth group. Once I met an old, blind, Mexican man who couldn’t speak English. Someone knew I was taking Spanish class and asked me to read his Spanish Bible to him. I reluctantly said ‘yes’. I stumbled and mispronounced so many words he couldn’t help but laugh out loud. I apologized to him but he assured me that he appreciated my efforts. I never saw him after that visit. To this day I wonder where he is.
You could also go by a hospital and look in the rooms at people who have been injured in accidents, have just been diagnosed with a terminal disease, or are mentally challenged in some way.
I get depressed about my life too. Why am I not doing what I had planned to do in my life? Why don’t I have as many friends as some people? Why does everyone else seem to know so much more than me? And on, and on.
Sometimes I get sick of people telling me to look on the bright side too. Sometimes I just need time to sulk and feel sorry for myself. But I always keep in mind that after I’m finished feeling sorry for myself and sulking that things will look a lot better than when I’m sitting in the middle of it.
But I also know that it’s good to have someone to talk to and complain to sometimes. So, if you need me, you have my number. Call anytime, day or night.
bob