Today I watched via live stream, the funeral of a member at the church I attend. She was a mother and died suddenly in a car crash. Understandably the family is devastated. I hope and pray that they can grow closer to Christ.
During all of this I began to think about my own family’s mortality. How I will face what might be the most difficult days of my life.
A friend said during the death of a loved one, everything is a shock and a blur during the visitation and funeral. Then days or weeks after the funeral is when those survivors face reality: being very much alone after their loved one has past. I wish there was something I could do in all of this. I wish I could say something to make it all better. I wish I could say more than “I’m sorry for your loss,” or “Let’s do lunch sometime.” The problem is that we truly don’t know what to say. And sometimes we say things that truly are thoughtless – “I know exactly how you feel,” comes to mind. Let’s not pour salt in someone’s wound by being thoughtless. Only say neutral things like “I’m here for you.” To say anything more could be misconstrued.
Another truth is that there will forever a gap in that person’s life and this family member’s death is a landmark in their own timeline. “That was before my spouse died,” or “That was after my mother died.”
This will be something I think about for a few weeks after this. When I see a family who has had a devastating loss I am curious about how they are doing and if there is something I could do to help the situation. Most of the time I don’t know the family that well and would feel intrusive if I were to offer to help.