Is it as bad as everyone is saying? I don’t know. i still have a job, but lately I’ve been finding myself overtly worried about what life might be like without a job.
I worry alot. Probably too much. I wasn’t able to enjoy my Christmas vacation because I became preoccupied with worry.
So now I think that the coming depression isn’t as much of a economic depression, but an emotional one. There is potential to worry yourself into a depression…i.e. you *think* you’re going to have a depression, so it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
I can remember studying the hieracrchy of needs in sociology class in high school and college. My basic needs, that is physiological needs are taken care of. Food and shelter? I have it. And yet the safety of having a job seems to me as questionable during this supposed poor economic times.
Love and belonging are other needs which could grow for myself an the rest of America. One study states a quarter of Americans have no close friends. The same study found that the average number of close friends one has dropped from 4 to 2.
My friends have moved away. The ones that are still around are involved in their own activities…marriage, children…etc.. Years ago I can remember being invited to do things with friends and simply not feeling like going out and feeling guilty afterwards. Now I wish I would have spent more time with friends. And I wish I could have generated more close friendships.
Now I’m at a time in my life where I’m not sure where to begin to develop new friendships. And yet I know I’ll need to develop it to develop happiness.
The Disciplinarian
This morning’s dream put me back in my 8th grade geometry class. My teacher, who’s name shall remain nameless here, was a strict disciplinarian, even to the point that some people, like myself was apprehensive about asking a question in class for fear of being reprimanded.
The dream had be back in high school, but driving back to my junior high during math class to take this course. The kids seemed much younger than me, and the concepts we were learning didn’t make sense.
They say dreams about going back to school make one feel that they are being evaluated in real life. I’m unsure of this evaluation, whether it be in the workforce or at my church, or in general.
This disciplinarian, who was my math teacher, makes me wonder if I am not turning into the same person I feared way back then. I find it difficult to impose discipline upon my niece and nephew and to those I teach. Yet I have found that the only way they’re going to take me seriously if I am gruff toward them.
Friendship
I have come to the conclusion that those who are deemed popular, either by themselves, or those around them, have the power to cherry pick their friends. I have seen it occur way too often.
An outing is planned. Everything is setup. Invitations are sent out. RSVP’s are posted. Then others are excluded for whatever reason or another. The reason behind the exclusion? Membership in a exclusive club? Popularity? It’s hurtful.
And so what I’ve seen is that the popular people who think they have the power to pick their friends. There is always someone who thinks they are higher up on the totem pole than you are. And then again there are those lower than you who honestly you’d rather not hang out with. The conclusion? The only way a friendship will work out is if both parties see themselves as equals.
And friendship is prolonged in a twofold reasoning.
- Trust. Each must build up trust in their own mind, either perceived or real. Once trust is broken, for me, it’s highly unlikely to be regained. Forgiveness can be gained, but the original friendship may never be like it once was. During a moment of particularly nasty falling out, it took me a while to figure out that I don’t have to be friends with people who have failed my trust. Forgiveness and friendship are two separate things and must be treated as such.
- Communication. Many many times I’ve lost touch with friends since either myself or them fail to communicate. With the advent of email, instant messaging, social networking, those of my generation don’t have much excuse for not communicating. Now poor communication can be attibruted to apathy, laziness, or general poor planning. It can be very aggrivating, especially when one friend moves away, and puts communication on the backburner.
Gradually I’ve become interested in Facebook. Although I don’t see myself as getting a Facebook account anytime soon due to various reasons. Most Facebook users are there to connect with old friends. While others, it seems, try to connect with as many friends as possible. Where do you draw the line? Is it people who you would sit down and have a conversation with or go out to eat with? Or would it be that person you sorta knew in college, but never really hung out with?
The problem it seems as with the internet in general is that we have developed ways of having virtual friendships. People we meet online. Instant messages. Yet we never really have time to do things in the real world. We feel safe in front of our computers reading wall postings and feel as though we’re important as long as there’s always someone online in our 200+ member buddy list. It’s time to ask ourselves, has Facebook, Instant Messaging and even the Internet itself hurt face to face communication? I think it has. Even before we go out, we must check our email, something unheard of 20 years ago. We spend hours on the computer, updating our Facebook profiles, but never seem to get out of the house.
I’m sure some people live for Facebook wall posts and friend requests, much like others are addicted to World of Warcraft or Second Life. This is nothing new. I saw it in college were people gradually dropped out after discovering text based adverture games via the internet. They would spend all day in computer labs and then the next semester they were gone. A semester’s worth of tuition wasted.
My distain for my own Facebook account is the problem with too much information. I’ve read blog posts and seen pictures of persons from the past and it’s somewhat troubling. Am I getting too much information? Information that I didn’t want to know? Information that I shouldn’t know? And yet even as I write this on my own blog, I am guilty of that same occurance. Certainly I’ve posted some thing here that I shouldn’t have posted (which is why the archives for this blog aren’t available).
Still even looking through what limited information is available for non-users on Facebook, I’ve found myself repelled from it. Perhaps it’s ghosts of the past of cruel people I want to forget.
Coupled with Facebook is my own similar distaste for Myspace. Myspace is much more freeform than Facebook and information is even more readily available. I’ve ranted about the hyprocracy of Myspace, and since Facebook remains of mature clone of Myspace, I couldn’t very well obtain a Facebook account without looking like a hypocrite.
So there it is, dear reader, why I don’t use Facebook. At least not at this point in my life. Convince me otherwise and I might think about getting a membership one of these days.
Forgiveness
North Korea has always fascinated me. Maybe its the same way car crashes fascinate me. Who could imagine an entire nation built on the broken system of communism mixed in with heriditary leadership and a cult of personality.
Enter Shin Dong-hyuk, a former North Korean citizen born in a concentration camp. His crime? His uncles’ colaborated with South Korea during the Korean War in the 1950s. He was guilty by heriditary proxy. In the concentration camp rape, death, and torture was routine. Shin himself saw his brother and mother executed.
Consequentally having only known life in the concentration camp, the idea of love was a foreign concept to him. Today Shin goes to church, but the concepts are difficult to understand.
What is especially heartbreaking is this statement:
The concept of forgiveness is especially difficult for him to grasp. In [the concentration camp] he said, to ask for forgiveness was “to beg not to be punished.”
Which begs the question…do we…as a Christian brotherhood…beg for forgiveness to avoid hell? Do we do good works to avoid punishment or because we genuinely love God and want to do His will? I think for most people it’s a little of both.
Lessons Learned From Hawaii
If I had it to do over again I’d do it in a heartbeat. I have never seen such beautiful beaches. Crystal clear waters. Mild weather. It was one of the most enjoyable major trips I had been on in a while.
Some lessons learned:
From Pearl Harbor Church of Christ, I discovered that it is ok to grow closer to your fellow brethern. Small groups can be good, and I wish my own church would do them, if only at limited times.
Always use sunscreen. Always.
It’s ok to step out on your own and go to your own island. Drive around a bit. Turn into a pumpkin by the end of the day.
Lava reaks havok with nature, yet if you wait long enough, a beautiful paradise will form.
The U.S.S. Arizona Memorial is overrated. Apart from sounding unappreciative for the lives lost, people build it up way too much than what is really is. It is a tomb. There isn’t anything flashy about a cemetery. And I’m not so sure it should be considered a tourist destination in Hawaii.
808 is not just an area code; it’s a lifestyle for some people. Me? I’m 615 All Day.
A Chrysler 300 is considered a compact car for Enterprise. Also never try to drive a Chrysler 300 on Front Street in Maui. You’ll never find a parking space.
The Southernmost Point? Not worth it.
I may not have the opportunity to return to Hawaii, but I’m hoping for it.
Last full day
I spent the last full day of Hawaii visiting downtown Honolulu, Wakiki, and the Punchbowl. Probably one of the most peaceful time was at the top of the Punchbowl where the National Memorial Cemetery of the Pacific. Looking back on it I wish I had spent more time. It is now getting late and I’ll try to write more tomorrow.
Peaceful
Today I found out that I can’t snorkel. Or at least I tried for 15 minutes, got fed up with it and quit. It’s just not for me. I’m not a very good swimmer to begin with. I have a tendency to panic in water. The main objective of snorkeling is to relax and just float along and watch the fish. Water had a tendency to get in my snorkel. Plus I like to stop and rest ever so often. After becoming frustrated I stood up. A lady near me said “You know, everytime you stand you kill coral.” “Sorry,” I said. Later I figured she was stating the obvious, as I had watched the same video she had watched. I was feeling bad already about the snorkeling not being very easy, and now this woman was throwing fuel on the fire by making me feel bad about killing coral.
I figured enough was enough and I just went back to the beach and took somewhat of a nap, catching a nice burn in the process.
Afterwards we drove around the east side. Great views.
My Hawaii adventure will soon becoming to an end. I’ve had a wonderful time and got some great photos. I’ve concentrated on getting great pictures. Driving to the most pictureques spots. Somehow I know some people will tell me that I really missed out by not doing a particular activity. Helicopter rides…watching sunrise from Diamondhead….going to a lua. However I refuse to be disappointed. I’ve already made a list of things to do on my next trip, which I don’t know when it will happen. Maybe some people find fulfillment in experiencing the tourist activities above. However I find fulfillment in simply experiencing life.
U.S.S. Arizona Memorial
The U.S.S. Arizona Memorial was somber. However I think others built up the Memorial way too much in my mind. The film was good and provided with alot of insight on what exactly went on before and during the attack. For example, military bases were attacked all over the island, not just at Pearl Harbor. Pearl Harbor and the Arizona get all the press because 1100 men were killed upon sinking.
When you go to the memorial itself, you only stay about 10 – 15 minutes at the most, however you really wouldn’t want to stay any longer simply because there is not much else to see. Viewing the oil seeping up and the memorial wall….pretty much is it as far as the memorial is concerned.
They are trying to build a bigger and better visitors center. Not sure what it will look like, but I’m sure it is needed because the crowds can be overwhelming. Rebecca said that she has seen it to where the lines were several hours just to get tickets. We managed to get tickets for the next group by simply walking up to the counter. We had done the whole Memorial within an hour and a half. This includes the gift shop which sells the U.S.S. Arizona Memorial Rubik’s Cube with scenes of the battle and memorial on the sides. Tacky? Possibly.
On a lighter note I have become a new fan of Magnum P.I. Watch the opening sequence for memories sake. I guess I didn’t realize it was filmed on Oahu. I’m going to have rent some DVDs of it. Great ’80s show. The Rudders and I have been watching it at night.
On another note this morning Rebecca took me to “Savers” which is kinda like a Goodwill store for used clothing and other materials. Today was 99 cent day on yellow tags and half off orange tags. Bought 22 shirts. Spent $50. Are you listening Todd Burka? I’ll have to wear my “Another United Methodist Woman Working For You” shirt soon. Rebecca tells me that the Filipino women go there right went the store opens and just pile in the 99 cent shirts to send back home because it is cheaper than anything they can buy there. Go figure.
This afternoon it’ll be “The Boat” – a commuter boat from one side of Pearl Harbor to the other. It’s 2 bucks, cheapest boat you can ride on the island – apart from the free boat to the Arizona memorial. And it’s an hour ride and we’ll be coming back around sunset. Expect some beautiful pictures to show up soon.
Yesterday
Yesterday I didn’t do too much except drive around and take pictures of the beach. I did do a little shopping in a historic beach town – Haleiwa. Historic meaning its designed to look like its out of the ’50s. All the buildings are built out of wood with the same design – even the McDonald’s and Pizza Hut.
Today I might do some snorkeling. Rebecca and Brad have the snorkel gear so I won’t have to rent it! I’m not a very good swimmer – I can tread water but nothing going down to extreme depts. I’m being told that this doesn’t matter because you float in the salt water.
I don’t want to get home and be asked “Did you not do this…?” I’m here really to experience life and culture. Many tourist things don’t necessarily interest me. I’ve enjoyed taking photos and talking to everyday people about what life is like for the average Hawaiian.
The Pearl Harbor Church of Christ has intriged me. Membership is very temporary for the military folks. An average of 3 years. Just enough time to really get involved and be assigned duties like teaching or worship preparation – then be sent back to the lower 48 by Uncle Sam. Worship and classes are much more laid back, but in a good way. Their Malama Groups are small group meetings held on Sunday nights. From going to just one meeting I think I found out more about some of these people than I know about folks from my own congregation. Maybe the lack of closeness is my own fault, for not necessarily wanting to develop close friendships at my home congregation. Maybe that will change once I get home.
Small group meetings among churches of Christ have intrigued me. I think initually it was labeled as being “liberal” among the conservatives. But now you hear about conservative churches doing this. During the early church days, groups met in members homes, so why not now?
Then I realized that Mt. Juliet has been doing small groups for quite a while. Way back when I was in high school I participated in Bible studies at the Huddleston’s house. I still remember some of things that were taught and said at it. I grew closer to many of those people during those times. To my knowledge we’re still doing this with the teen bible studies, outreach teams, etc… Sunday night worship services was originally designed for those who might have been traveling on Sunday morning to participate in worship, especially the Lord’s Supper. You do loose something by not meeting on Sunday nights, but is it not a gain by growing closer to fellow Christians during a small group study on Sunday nights? Something to consider…