I had the devo tonight. I think I did an ok job. It could have been better. But I feel like I did the best job I could have done at this particular time in my life.
Each day gets better. I hope I never reach that level of doldrums again, which I reached over Memorial Day weekend. I’m apprehensive about going back to that level of depression.
Depression is so hard to get out of. But I think after you’ve gone through it once, you know how to recognize it, and even combat it. I think eventually it will make me stronger. If only after I’ve managed to pick up the pieces and move on….and not to believe those awful things your mind tells you when you are depressed.

“It’s only after you’ve lost everything that you’re free to do anything.”
–Tyler Durden – “Fight Club”
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.”
John 14:1

I foresee being able to have faith once again. A kid in my Sunday school class was baptized Sunday. Through that I was able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I felt like I really had made a difference in this young person’s life. There is no greater joy than seeing a new Christian baptized, especially if you already know them beforehand.
Unfortunately I’ve let other people dictate my feelings. When people threaten you and tell you that you aren’t good enough for a particular church activity, you tend to believe it, even when that person is supposedly a leader in the church. It was my mistake in believing them. Don’t ever let anyone else tell you that you aren’t good enough. If you do, you have lost the fight.
I for one, KNOW that I am good enough for church. I have made a great deal of difference in dozen of young people’s lives. Many of them look toward me for guidance and merely a friend who will give them straight answers from a Biblical perspective, but not necessarily from a hard-nosed uncompromising perspective.
The kids have asked me why I wasn’t at camp. I tell them that I got a new job and wasn’t able to take off. That’s the easy answer. The real truth is that I really was depressed, and a depressed camp counselor is just not good these days. So it was probably for the best that I did get my job when I did. I know I’ll be able to return to camp next year after this depression is all over with.

I watched the opening ceremonies of the Athens Olympics the other night. Good stuff. The U.S. got a somewhat warm reception from the Athens crowd. The commentator on TV said that Greeks are able to seperate their dislike of the U.S. government’s foreign policy and their views of American citizens. I wish it was the case all over the world.
Unfortunately this is not the case. Terrorists cannot seem to seperate American foreign policy with American citizens. Therefore they choose to harm American citizens to achieve their purpose.
I was glad to see Afghanistan and Iraq in the Olympics. One late night comedian joked that the Afghani’s probably don’t want to return home. Would you?

Tomorrow being Friday the 13th means that it could be unlucky. Tomorrow I’ll be shipping 13 pallets of 666 cubic volume to London. I won’t bother telling you the shipper. So it could be unlucky for me. I doubt it though. I don’t believe in unlucky numbers. It’s all in your head.

A word about the photo above. As I was driving home today, I saw 2 police cars stopping in the distance. As I got closer I saw a car in the grassy median. A lady was holding an infant. I don’t know what happened exactly. If it was a medical emergency or a hit and run or what. I managed to snap the photo with my camera phone (first time use on this webpage). I didn’t really want to draw attention to myself, because, well, people usually don’t like pictures being made of them, without their consent. So I acted like I was on the phone, rather than looking like a Japanese tourist.

“Talk to me, Goose.” (reference to Top Gun).
“Do you want me to prealert that?”
“Have those files been S.M.E.F.-ed?”
“Steve, I need to schedule a pickup…”
“That was Buddy Love…” (reference to the Nutty Professor).
And I realize that most of this is just inside jokes or general business talk among Panalpinites. But it is something I hear everyday.

It’s called ruminating. It’s what makes you depressed. Turning over something negative over and over in your mind without coming to a conclusion on it. Keep doing it and you too will become depressed. You won’t be able to stop at times.
Things are getting better. Day by day. I just wish it could get better sooner. At times I think I’ll never get out of this. Other times I see a bright future. I have to keep telling myself that things will get better.