For those of you uninitiated, depression is a very real thing. It is not just the blues. Not just having a bad day. It’s days and weeks of having bad days. It can mean not sleeping at times. It can mean having your stomach tied up in knots. I don’t know if I’ll get better. I am tired of feeling this way, but I don’t know how or where to stop.
You hate the things you used to enjoy. Your faith in God takes a rollercoaster ride. What happened? I don’t know.
A funny thing happened at church today
A funny thing happened at church today. At the end of the invitation song a black man stood up in his pew. He started going on and on about how his family had spend $400 on car repairs while attending a wedding in Memphis. They were on their way back to North Carolina. Somehow he was getting around to asking us for money. I didn’t really listen to much of what he said. Mostly I had my head buried in my hands wishing he would stop. It was an alkward situation. And I hate alkward situations.
Today’s sermon was “The Second Greatest Command,” and it was most appropriate to give him money. However the conservative in me says that this guy it taking us for a scam. He arrived late in the sermon (as if he had already been to another church asking for money to get back home).
At worst, he scammed individual members out of several hundred dollars. At best he left with a good feeling about the church and Christians in general. You never could completely verify this guy’s story. I wish it had been in a different context.
Depression
You haven’t seen me in a while. Server problems with the webpage. And depression. Depression is difficult to come out of. I think it happened from a combination of things. Mostly just having a terrible job for 5 months. Things have gotten better since I got a new job. But many times I just feel isolated and alone. I’ve withdrawn myself from friends and spend much of my time in my room staying on the computer. Right now I prefer a virtual conversation via IM rather than a conversation in person.
I wish things could get better. I don’t know if they will. I don’t have much of an appetite. I force myself to eat sometimes.
One thing I really like is my job. I look forward to going to work everyday since it keeps me busy. I feel like I am accomplishing alot at work. And I know I can do my job. It’s weekends like these where the depression and emptiness can get to me. I used to be so much better. Now it seems like I’m a shell of myself.
Sorry to be so depressing. I hope reading this entry hasn’t gotten you down. I don’t mean to.
The Atlanta Time Machine
8th Grade Test from 1895
8th Grade Test from 1895 Could You Pass the 8th Grade?
Youth Pastors
I know of at least 3 people I went to high school with who are now working as youth or music pastors in some capacity. What is significant is that in high school many times they were unkind to many people. At least that’s how I see it. I just find it halfway amusing that those who seemed so arrogant at times in high school are now in charge of building others up. Do people change? Hopefully they do. I can’t hold people responsible for the way they acted 10 years ago. Maybe they’ve learned something about how to treat others.
Youth ministers/pastors are there for building others up. It should be one of their basic instincts. Anyone who is in it for any other reasons are doing it out of shear laziness.
Ban Comic Sans
Camera Lense Broken
Last night I dreamed I just started driving. I think I made it halfway to Kansas City. Somewhere in Missouri or Kansas I saw some incredible scenery. There was a wagon sitting in a golden field. For some reason I stopped just over the hill at what looked to be a farmhouse and small store. As I walked through the store, I saw that they were remodeling. Their menu signs were laid on the counter. I laid down my camera in another room and started asking the owners some questions. As I was walking around I went back to where my camera and tripod was sitting. The camera had been knocked off and the tripod and the light filter lense had been broken. It was one of the kids who had done it. And the parents weren’t going to own up to it until I confronted them about it.
Maybe its saying that I am very protective of my camera and I’m upset when people don’t claim responsibility for wrong actions.
Pizza Hut/Taco Bell
For lunch today I stopped in at the Pizza Hut/Taco Bell on Donelson Pike. It’s one of those combination restaurants you see occassionally. For example there’s a KFC/Taco Bell in Mt. Juliet. And there’s a KFC/Long John Silvers in Lafeyette. I was expecting a full-fledged Pizza Hut. I was sorely mistaken. Instead I got a warmed up personal pan pizza similar to the junk served at Lipscomb. I really expected more. This place was more or less a Taco Bell with 3 pizza options. I should have known better. Plus the Sierra Mist coke dispenser was out of syrup.
So I need to find a good pizza place in Donelson. Anyone have any suggestions?
Gmail
So I got a Gmail account. My first thought is, why do I need another webmail account? I’ve already got half a dozen of them. Another one with 1000MB of space isn’t going to make much difference. Only that I might need it if I were to need to receive a large digital picture remotely.
Gmail makes it difficult to delete. They are big on archiving. Some messages I might just want to delete for forever. It does take an extra step to do this. Move to trash. Then delete for forever. And you have to search for it. Mostly you just see “Move to Archive.”
Threaded messages are nice. Replies and things like that really show how the conversation is going on it. So that you don’t just get part of the story.
I’m not so sure Google really should get into the webmail business. Time and time again it has been shown that Webmail is not a money maker. Produces more headaches than dollars. 1000MB is nice. But I don’t think it would stop traffic.